Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Non-Jews are for practice
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
