just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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