Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
