Christians are straight up FREAKS
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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