My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
