I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
