I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
