I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
