I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
