How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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