God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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