So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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