And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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