so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
