Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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