Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
