He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
