Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
