What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
