I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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