between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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