Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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