5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
