I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need moral support for this bender
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
