I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
