dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
