I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
