.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
