Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
