Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
