also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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