how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
