ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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