Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
