the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
