that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
