Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize