if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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