Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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