I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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