Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize