I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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