Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
