Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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