How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
