Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
