Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
