Your dad touched me again.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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