where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
