So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
