whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
