I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
