There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
