guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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