its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Randomize
