before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
