She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
