Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
