Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize