I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
