Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
