You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
