It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
