I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize