my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
