Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
