OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
