so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
