Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
