we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
