the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
