I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
