There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
