I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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