I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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