You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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