Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
