I puked a lego.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
MIDGETS
????
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
